Thursday, October 13, 2005

Collection of random, perhaps meaningless (not to me), and certainly disjointed thoughts:

1.) Currently, my most hated word is "frick." Just say the actual word, people. It's not like we don't know what you mean, and certainly not like God doesn't know what you really mean.

2.) The other night I was on my way from my art class to another building, wearing my crinkly broomstick skirt and corduroy jacket, fingerless mittens, and carrying my sketch pad under my arm. I had to walk by a parking lot, and there must've been a concert, for there were many people out sitting in their cars, smoking their last cigarettes before having to run to the building. One car, a ford focus, windows rolled down, was occupied by two young women; as I walked past, I could hear their voices through the still night air:

"Have you ever noticed that people who are, like REALLY SERIOUS about art, they wear weird clothes? I'm serious - it's cool - they look different than everyone else. Look at her funky skirt!"

3.) What happened? Why do I have this knot of unease in my stomach? We need to talk; I need to know what happened; why that comfortability became strained overnight. If you're scared of getting into a relationship, being vulnerable again, please, please don't be. I won't hurt you. I don't get really mad easily, but the thought of someone ever hurting you, makes me horribly angry. Weeks ago, when there were those creepy people walking right behind us at night, carrying tire irons, in that not-so-nice part of town, I watched them - I was incredibly tense, for I knew if they hurt you, I would want to rip them apart, and I didn't even have my pepper spray with me.

4.) I have a job. I begin sometime in the next few days, and it scares me to death. I didn't want this job; I have so much on my plate right now; but I have to have it. I wish days could've continued on the way they were; full of school and homework, yet having a couple nights a week that were free for other things (like spending time with people. What a novel idea!). Now, the only days that I don't have school booked solid, I'll be working.

5.) Okay, that post I'd written before, the one about loneliness? It sounded all great, and I totally believed it when I was writing it; heck, and I'm sure I still do believe it, somewhere. But the past few days, loneliness has totally sucked. And it wasn't even loneliness for a guy, a few evenings ago, but flat-out loneliness for human company - I took a long drive and sat in the car, tears falling down my face, needing to talk to someone; but not having anyone to talk to.

6.) I don't really have a sixth thing to write; but I couldn't end this on an odd number.

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