Thursday, January 27, 2005

oh, the irony...

"GLENDALE, Calif. - The suicidal man who authorities say caused the chain-reaction train derailment that killed 11 people has been charged with multiple counts of murder and could face the death penalty, the district attorney said Thursday."


...Who says,"destroying with reckless abandon" and "without the fear of great repercussion" in history class, in a spur of the moment 5-sentence oral answer about the first half of the chapter? Me. of course. "reckless abandon"? "great repercussion"? No wonder I have no social life; I'm a nerd. NERD!

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

"Recently." "Yes! Recently."

I'm attempting to study, but she is talking to me, chatting about her two harleys ("I've spent about $30,000 at the shop in the past two years I figure; I paid $20,000 for this custom one..."), about the aluminum wheels she wants to buy, about the lamp for the front of the motorcycle, the $150 lamp the dog chewed up. I can't grasp spending that kind of money in the first place, but especially not on a expensive toy that you can only really use a few months out of the year up here. She stretches out on her bed, her Japanese history book falling closed, and barks, "You know, some people spend money on clothes..." she pauses, and I get the feeling she's gearing up for a quote she's used before. "...I spend money on chrome."

I'm not used to this tiredness, this all-consuming exhaustion that renders my mind useless, my body slow. I'm used to being able to spike my blood sugar with food, used to having protein if I'm tired and then, as it is digested, losing the tiredness. Now, I can eat right, eat protein, and my body still drags. I can manage an hour at a time, and then my thoughts feel like they're slogging through mud; they're slow in coming, disjointed, and forgotten by the time I actually think them. It's frustrating; when I take notes from the textbooks, I can only write a word or two at a time before having to look back at the book; in classes, I usually can't remember what the professor says long enough to write it down. I wonder how long this will last; it's getting old already.
Last night I said hi-in-passing to a guy in the cafeteria. A while later, when I was sitting in my room doing my communications homework -- with the door open, because I'm trying to meet people -- I saw him walk past with a couple of girls. He came back past my room again, and the third time, he stopped in and said hi. Introduced himself, asked me what my major is, and we talked for awhile. My roommate was making hot tea, and asked him if he wanted any, so we three sat around, talked, and had hot tea. I'm laughing right now at the's just so weird. Anyway. His sister is on this floor, which is why he was here. He's from Nigeria, a business major, and he seems really nice. Another person I can recognize and say hi to!
Yesterday I was walking down the hall in one of the centers on campus, checking out where a certain classroom is, and a few people walked past me in the opposite direction. I stopped, because I recognized the girl's voice. I turned around, and she had stopped and turned, too. "Danika?" "Jessica!" "HI!!!!" It was so nice to run into her! I know her from home; we used to work together, and this summer, she was the lead character (and did a super job) in a musical I played piano for. :) So now I have a few people around campus I know. It's much better than feeling like the campus was full of strangers.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

poppies, poppies.

Sleep, sleep.

I am so tired. I have so much I have to do, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Monday, January 24, 2005

look quick! historic moment!!

My lamp casts a muted light through the room, and my stereo (my parents brought it up here on Sunday, when they came to visit; aaah. my stereo. how I missed you!) is playing my new! Phantom of the Opera CD. (I really need to put this package of Oreos away.) Yes. This is a historic moment indeed. Not because it was my first day of classes (which it was); not because my student ID wouldn't work in the cafeteria because the meal plan hadn't been activated (which is also true), BUT!! I am writing this from the privacy of my room. Room! Laptop! Amazing! Writing in bed! What a feat!

Procuring the laptop itself was quite an adventure. My roommate showed up a day early (I was taking a nap, and heard a stratch-tapping at the door -- went over, and she was standing outside, unable to work the lock), and after a little chat -- I wasn't in a chatty mood, but she always is -- I escaped and scooted over to the student center to mail some letters. I didn't want to go back to the room right away, so I went over to the tech center on the off-chance there might be a laptop available. The work-study student there gave me the same look he had when I'd asked about checking out a laptop last week (that, "Yeah, right" look), but the smirk disappeared when he checked the database and found there WAS one! hahah! Take that, suckah!

It's mine until Wednesday afternoon at 3, and I am loving it.

Speaking of loving it -- the Phantom CD I bought (my first new CD in, oh, 2 years?) has been playing nearly non-stop since yesterday afternoon. "All I Ask of You" is by far my favourite song; when I was falling asleep to Phantom last night, though, it changed to "Masquerade," and in my semi-conscious state, I wondered why the chorus was singing "Masturbate." That new Health book is something else, lemme tell you.

Speaking of which (PHANTOM), Kristen and I are going to go see it sometime this week. I've heard mixed reviews; the biggest problem people had with it was that the Phantom is too good-looking (GORGEOUS); someone on the Joshua Bell message board said something the lines of, "the Phantom is supposed to intrigue yet repulse. It's rather different when you're sitting there thinking that Christine and the Phantom would make a cute couple!"

Sunday, January 23, 2005


Tonight I walked down to the computer lab, past numerous "This area restricted to [my all-female dorm here] residents only!" and into the lab, where I made a beeline for my [now] favourite computer. I always glance around at my comrades, and this time, I did a double-take, for the one in the corner was sporting a buzz-cut and chin stubble. What's THAT RESIDENT'S room number?

Saturday, January 22, 2005


  • I hike down 45 stairs and 10 landings whenever I want to use the computer lab
  • We were blanketed with just about a foot of snow over the past 24 hours
  • My Dutch name: Marieke
  • My Terribly British Name: Amelia Wilson
  • My Amish Name: Madam Prudence Weston, the blacksmith's wife (I think someone has Amish and the Pilgrims mixed up)
  • My 70's Undercover Narc Agent Name: Dirk "The Dragon" Cappielo
  • My Hippie Name: Ocean Blossom
  • My Harry Potter Name: Angelina
  • The skin on the back of my left hand is still discoloured from the IV when I was in hospital with MONO!

name generator located at

Friday, January 21, 2005

Adventures in the life of a transfer student (!)

I was in the kitchen at home when the phone rang. I picked it up, the cordless beauty, and looked at the screen to check the caller id (a recent development in our household) -- "Johnny Depp." As I was staring at it, the phone rang once more, then stopped abruptly, as though he had just realized he had dialed a wrong number, and so hung up quickly. Now, come on. Johnny Depp, calling my house? That wasn't a mistake. So, I scrolled through the list on the phone and called him right back -- because I AM NOT A MISTAKE! The second he answered, my vision was suddenly split-screen, the way it is in the movies when two people are on the phone, and I could see him -- in all his cream-coloured linen suited glory -- lounging in a chair, so glad to hear from me. SEE? I KNEW I wasn't a mistake. While we were conversing, I realized that I was talking with an accent, and that I sounded remarkably like Sarah Ferguson ("Fergie") (oh, Johnny, Dahling!). After awhile, Johnny Depp (reluctantly) had to go. He conveyed to me his deep anguish at having to end our conversation, and left me with an "Love you, honey," to which my well-bred sounding voice responded, "Love you too, sweetie!"


I'm sitting in a computer lab in Old Main, looking through the beautiful windows at the snowflakes playing against the brick of the building outside. It is so beautiful here; beautiful and freezing cold. I knew it was stupid, moving another 100+ miles north in the middle of January.

I moved into the dorm yesterday, yesterday afternoon. It's amazing how quickly I tire, afflicted as I am with this stupid mono thing -- also, I'm not supposed to lift anything, run, or play any contact sports -- so after two trips up the three flights of stairs with some stuff, mom and dad had me stay in the room while they trudged back down to get more of my belongings. They stayed long enough to rearrange some of the furniture and make the bed (it included lifting the mattress, heh), then took me out for a quick lunch at Burger King (about twice a year, I get a craving for a Whopper Jr., no onions, easy on the mayo), then dropped me off back at my car and left at 2:20. I had a student orientation from 3-8, so I had enough time before that to go get my student id made (that was an experience and a half, which included several trips from the student center back to my dorm room and back) -- it turned out okay (just slightly cross-eyed; ever since I've gotten mono, my eyes twitch randomly, and one of the twitches was just as she took the photo).

At two-fifty, I trudged along the snowy/icy, whoa! icy! sidewalk (for a city that is used to getting a lot of snow, they are horrible at clearing it away, plowing it off the roads and sidewalks -- and there is no trace of salt on the icy campus sidewalks either) to the building the orientation was in. After fifteen minutes of searching in vainthrough the quiet, too-quiet, building for Room 2440, I slumped (despondently) into a chair in the fine arts center basement. I pulled the New Student Orientation! envelope out of my pocket and double-checked the letter -- oh. Health center. Not fine arts center (another thing about mono -- my short-term memory has gotten really patchy. When I was in WalMart the other day, I had to keep my list in front of my eyes the entire time, or I would wander aimlessly through the aisles, having no clue what I was looking for. And the list was only seven items long). I'd even looked at the letter, stared at the "HEALTH AND WELLNESS CENTER, ROOM 2440" heading as I was on my way to the fine arts center. By that point, I was exhausted, and six minutes late for the Orientation. I hate being late, and there were so many other things stressing me out (tuition! books! validate student id!), that I decided not to go to the orientation. I sat there for a minute more, and suddenly could almost hear Mom's voice again; over lunch, she'd leaned over and said, "You know, at that orientation, you're going to meet someone who will be your friend for the rest of the semester." I'd shrugged it off -- same as when Dad says his trademark, "You have lots of friends up there. You just haven't met them yet!" (I know, I know, it's true. It just sounds [I explained this to them, explained why I laugh whenever he says it] way too...Chicken Soup For the _______ Soul-ey). But I couldn't get it out of my head. I gathered up my stuff, shoved my earmuffs and gloves back on, and walked over to the health center. I followed the signs to the orientation, and a woman who I'd met with once last spring, ushered me into the room, pointing out an empty seat about four rows from the front. I folded up my jacket, sneaked over to the chair, and sat down, trying to look like I'd been there for hours and wasn't fifteen minutes late. I felt someone tug on my left sleeve, and turned to see...



Kristen! A girl from my old college! A person I knew! A person who could be my friend for the rest of the semester! We'd taken a few classes together, and had talked whenever we'd seen each other, but I hadn't seen her much over the past semester, and didn't know she was transferring to this college! Here! Where I am! We talked a lot during dinner/tour/computer lab time, and we're going to be workout buddies. We were checking out schedules in the computer lab, and discovered that we're taking the same health class this semester! The one that meets for an hour every day! We are both so excited -- it was such a relief to see a person I know.

I met my roommate yesterday. I had gone down the hall to the bathroom, and mom and dad were in my room; when I came out of the bathroom, I heard a really LOUD voice, and knew (With Sinking Heart) that it would be my roommate. Yeah. It was. She's LOUD -- really really LOUD, and really quite strange, with the potential to be extremely annoying. But, as I told mom this morning on the phone, my roommate is only going to be on campus tuesday through friday afternoons, which is really really nice; plus, if she is really loud when I'm trying to study, I can just study somewhere else -- I only really have to be in the room when I'm sleeping. But anyway, she left yesterday afternoon, and she won't be back until tuesday.

It's been a lot of fun, arranging my things in my room. I have a loft -- it's a tubular metal frame that's basically like a set of bunkbeds...but without anything on the lower level. My bed is up high, and under that, I have a comfy chair, my squat little table of dark wood that used to belong to my grandparents, and a lamp from my room back home. I sticky-tak-ed a poster of London to the wall, as well as a Renoir, a VanGogh, and my star chart -- and glow in the dark stars up by my bed.

I went grocery shopping today -- I went to the student center for breakfast at 10:30, and found out that they aren't serving anything, anywhere on campus, until Monday -- and picked up some fresh fruit, a loaf of bread, pb, honey, oreos, oatmeal, a Healthy Choice dinner, and then went across to a dollar store and picked up some plastic silverware and microwaveable bowls. After I got back, I arranged it all on a shelf above my desk, and for a minute, had a flashback to what I loved to do when I was little -- play house. I used to love playing house, and I realized, that's what it feels like I've been doing for the past day, as I putz around my room and tweak the quilt so it hangs evenly, adjust the poster a few centimeters to the left so it's exactly in the middle, shift my groceries around on the shelf until they're where I think they should be (except for my Healthy Choice Chicken and Mashed Potatoes, which is [are? they're packaged together, so it's collective, right?] snuggled in between the (closed) window and screen.

I took a nap this afternoon, John Mayer's first album crooning in my ears. He didn't keep me awake, but "like a cowboy clichÉ" floated around in my dreams (which weren't as exciting as the one last night, wherein Johnny Depp and I were INVOLVED. In a PHONE CONVERSATION. now THAT was a classy dream).


Phantom of the Opera comes out today!

(how many times can I refer to my MONO in this post?)

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

gimme an m-o-n-o-u-c-l-e-i-o-s-i-s!

I haven't posted for awhile because I've been sick for the last week. The last real meal I ate was last Tuesday, a week ago today, and I've been really flu-ish and pukey since Friday. Went to the clinic yesterday late morning, the Dr. swabbed my throat, and the rapid strep test came back negative. Sent to lab, they drew blood (and I almost fainted afterwards as the lab lady was helping me walk over to a bed where I could lie down, heh -- and then I got JUICE!! because I almost passed out!! I love hospitals!! it's almost as good as going to the dentist when you're a kid and getting the NO CAVITIES sticker), and checked the white blood cell count, and it was 11,200 (this one piece of knowledge makes me sound all medicinally up on things, andI feel like a person with a nursing degree from one of those phony universities) and normal is around 11,000, so he didn't think they were elevated enough to be indicative of mono.


No mono!

Strep. This is good, because strep can be treated with antibiotics, and I'm moving into a dorm the end of next week. He said he was 90% sure that I had strep, though they'd do a more thorough test and let us know the results, um, today.

I hate talking about puking, because puking is gross, but, serious, since Friday, I've thrown up about, oh, 30 times? Yeah. Disgusting. And by my third time puking this morning, my throat got to the point where I couldn't swallow anymore. My throat would go into spasms and not let me swallow anything. I got so thirsty, and cryey, because I haven't gotten any sleep at all, really, over the past few nights, and I haven't really eaten anything for a WEEK, and my new old navy jeans (shush, Jenni "Oh, those are always so big!" ;P ) are hardly staying up.

We went back to the hospital this afternoon, and I'd lost another three pounds from the appointment yesterday. The Doctor -- who is incredibly handsome, yikes! made me laugh, because he had me lying on my side on that table/bed thing, and had his hand under my shirts, feeling my stomach..."Relax your stomach. Make it soft."
It tickled.
And besides, bozo, I've spent a lifetime tensing whatever stomach muscles I might have whenever someone touches my stomach. It's a REFLEX. And I was trying not to think of how WEIRD it was that this really handsome Dr. about whom mom and I have joked for years (Oh, wouldn't it be embarrassing to be his patient!? he's just way to good looking!) was FEELING ME UP.

He wanted more bloodwork done, and I was pretty irritable there at the end, because it seemed like he wasn't getting how much pain I was in, and how NO I CAN'T SWALLOW AT ALL, OF COURSE I'VE BEEN TRYING, DO YOU THINK I LIKE THIS?! so I was shuffled along to the lab for a mono spot test.

It came back positive.

Um, what?

That was at 3. I was hospitalized until 8:45 tonight, with a huge IV of fluids and another of steroids dripping into my veins as I watched "The 70's Show," two episodes of "Everybody loves Raymond," "Friends," and the finale of "The Biggest Loser." That hospital bed felt so comfy, and it was such a wonderful feeling, knowing that the fluids my body so desperately needed were coursing through my veins right then.

And I SWALLOWED! Tonight! After I got home! A popsicle and a half!

But, really, MONO?! I have no idea whom I could've gotten it from.

But I do know that when the first nurse started jabbing the IV needle into the back of my hand, missed the target, and started shifting the whole needle sideways in my skin, it burned so much that I almost fainted (I don't like needles. Uuuugh), and I lost all hearing -- except for her shouting to a coworker: "Someone get maria! [my] pulse just went over 147!"

Oh. heh. writing about that reminded me of something I said to the Doctor, because I was so irritated that he just kept talking and talking when I was dehydrated and trying to not throw up and wanting to swallow and he was just talking about SWALLOWING PILLS, which isn't something I can do ANYWAY, if I can't SWALLOW! and he was talking about how I should practice with canned peas and corn at home. "Yeah. And I should get used to needles by shooting up on HEROIN." Audible gasp from mother, shocked look from father. doctors should be treated with respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

But later, he came into my hospital room, just wandering around, carrying his coffee cup (I love that!), and it was right after I had almost passed out, and there was a funny halo around him...and I think he saw by my woozy smile that I was apologizing for the irritable comments I'd made earlier.

But yeah. Mono. And I move into the dorms in a week and a few days, and there is so much stuff I have to do, but Doctor told me that I need to focus on sleeping.


Thursday, January 06, 2005

room assignment

It's actually happening! The fact that I'm moving away to a different college has been reconfirmed several times over the past few days, first by my purchase of a plastic basket to hold my shampoo, conditioner, bodywash, and other shower stuff...and then again tonight, when I checked my e-mail and had a note from the campus life office. I have a room assignment! And a roommate!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

goals for 2005

What are your New Year's Resolutions?

I don't like making New Year's Resolutions. To me, they don't really mean much, since they apparently don't mean that much to the majority of people. It's a worldwide 2-week phase, before one forgets what he/she had resolved to do and slips back into the comfortable earlier version of himself/herself. I think -- speaking from experience, since I've tried the whole New Year's Resolution Experience myself -- that the problem is, most people (myself included, unfortunately), make incredible resolutions ("I am going to drop 4 dress sizes") and lose hope and motivation when they mess up or don't see results immediately. Goals, on the other hand, aren't supposed to be reached immediately. Goals can take a heck of a long time to reach, but we expect that. So, this list isn't a list of my New Year's resolutions; instead, they're my goals for 2005.
  • I'm moving to a university, and I am going to continue to recycle. I don't here at home, because the nearest recycling drop-off place is 11 miles away. I always recycle at school, though, and I'm going to when I live in the dorms, too. Deal with it, roomie.
  • I am going to keep my water bottle with me, because I know I need to, and I know I feel better when I'm fully hydrated.
  • I will take advantage of the brand new Health and Wellness Center just down the block, because it's spiffy and free. Free is good, and so is their rock-climing wall. I'll take advantage of it, and see what happens (note to all I haven't fooled: yes. this is a sneaky way of writing "I will drop 4 dress sizes").
  • Let's keep the notebook with us this year too, ä. Don't waste those thoughts. Write them down; take those ideas and fly with them. Sure it'd be easier with a laptop, but the smooth paper and a ballpoint pen are magic.
  • I won't forget what I learned in astronomy. There actually are brilliant, kind, h-ha-handsome single men out there. I don't need to settle for a jerk, or someone who isn't what I really wanted.

Oh, and the stars are pretty cool, too.

  • Be inspired.
  • I will set things in motion for studying abroad in Scotland. I want to, I can, and I should take advantage of this amazing opportunity. Great Britain. Learning. History. Three of my favorite things, and I can have them all at the same time.
  • I will work on being a better communicator, a better friend. Sending a letter to someone only costs $0.37.
  • Save to disk all the stories I have partly done. Take them to school, and add to them whenever I have ideas.
  • Write a story for children.

Who has inspired you this year?

  • Élena, FrenchToastGirl, has added light to my world with her amazing paintings and her beautiful spirit. She is a mother of three children under the age of three, and her creativity, kindness, and faith are wonderful. She sees the beauty in the world around her, and adds even more to it.
  • Heather B. Armstrong,, makes me cry a lot -- either at her great talent for taking normal events and making them rib-crackingly hilarious, or for touching my heart with her love for her daughter, husband, and dog (note: I'll give this blog an R-rating for Language and Thematic Elements. It doesn't bother me, but if it bothers you, you might want to just skip this site -- except for the daughter, husband, and dog links. those are great).
  • My professors. Some of them were greater than others, and one was the greatest of all, but all of them inspired me by their knowledge.
  • One of my friends on campus. He challenged me to think outside the box, to research, to make my own decisions, and I love him for that (and for his beard).

New look for 2005. Actually, it was a coincidence that I changed the template on 1/1/05; I'd been wanting to monkey with it for awhile, and I just happened to do it tonight.

In addition to the stuff about me, I also added another item to the sidebar; just under the Archives is a link to my flickr photostream. They're all photos of London from my Thanksgiving trip. I tried to center the picture/link, and I can't. I'm trying to forget about it, because if I don't, the fact that the link doesn't line up with the other text in the sidebar will drive me crazy (see text under: Obsessive-compulsive).

list (i.e., "cheap filler" and/or "crap that could possibly pose as an update")

last library book checked out: a compilation of the greatest science essays of all time, with an introduction by Stephen Hawking. All the diagrams - I'm in heaven!
last movie seen: "Shallow Hal" (Jack Black, I love you)
last book read: Zelda - the story of Zelda (Sayre) Fitzgerald
last cuss word uttered: ($@#
last beverage drank: orange juice
last food consumed: tortilla chips
last crush: shaun, shaughan, jack black, keanu reeves, conan o'brien
last phone call: kelly!
last tv show watched: "An American in Canada"
last time showered: last night
last shoes worn: black leather danskos
last cd played: "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
last item bought: single serving of pringles
last kiss: sometime last month
last good cry: way too long ago
last downloaded: no clue
last annoyance: dial-up
last disappointment: we didn't have french toast this morning like we were supposed to.
last soda drank: diet coke
last thing written: my initials
last key used: buick
last sleep: today at 9:45 AM
last im: yesterday, Josh
last sexual fantasy: who, me? heh.
last weird encounter: go back to Tennessee, you moron!
last ice cream eaten: vanilla. ick.
last time amused: just a few minutes ago
last time wanting to die: not recently
last time in love: today
last time hugged: tonight
last person you winked at: Dan
last time scolded: a few days ago
last time resentful: yesterday
last chair sat in: piano bench
last lipstick used: red cover girl
last shirt worn: Old Navy sweater
last time dancing: tonight
last webpage visited:



the 100 spleens of Keanu Reeves
How did Keanu get his big scar?
He has several. The most
prominent scar runs from chest to navel and is a result of the time he crashed
his motorcycle into a mountain in 1987(?). This resulted in the loss of his
spleen. Since then, he has acquired several more.