Sunday, November 26, 2006


Lately, everything seems to make my heart full, but then make me want to cry.

Examples of Heart Full:
jb (john. :) ).
getting to spend parts of each of the last five days with him.
knowing i have one semester left after this one, and then i'm finished.
in 230 days, we'll be married.
waking up at jeanne (jb's mom)'s house and knowing that I get to spend a part of the day with him.
knowing that jb's mom loves and approves of me, too (she told jb last week that if she had to pick the person who would be the ideal daughter-in-law and future mother, it would be me).
being loved by him.
the warm glow that seems to surround me whenever I'm with John.

Examples of things that make me cry instantly:
getting to spend only parts of those days with jb, since he had to work 8 hours every day.
knowing that I still have to make it through the last few weeks of this semester and then another..
230 days. Two-hundred-thirty.
sleeping at jeanne's house and dreaming multiple times each night that it's Christmas break and I can stay there for almost forever...then waking up and being devastated at the fact that it was only Thanksgiving, and I had to leave in such a short time.
after visiting jb, coming back to my dorm and opening the door to such a quiet, dark place. it's a cozy room, but it feels so much less cozy compared to the last five days i spent wrapped in those arms.
the coldness that seems to envelop me and freeze my edges when i have to leave jb and am alone again; it's days before I thaw out and feel warm again.

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