Thursday, November 02, 2006

One Year Ago...

Exactly one year ago tonight, I met John. It's so strange, thinking back to last year at this time, exactly this time, I was lonely. I had realized that being with no guy was better than being with the wrong guy, but I still wished that I could be with the right guy, right then. I had no idea what was in store for me, that that very evening would change my life.

I remember that I was strangely excited when I first went over there (he wasn't even done with work, and I had no idea that I'd be meeting him), and had taken pains with my makeup, put in my contacts, and put on cute clothes. Why? I had no idea at the time, and was laughing at myself for doing so. Why bother to look so cute for my friend and her friends?

I remember everything about that evening, from the time I first saw him, to when we were introduced, to when I had the odd feeling that he was the one I should talk to, of all the people there, that he was the one I should get to when I asked him how to spell his last name (little knowing that in less than two years, it would be mine, too).

I remember that when we all went out a little later that evening, he drove, and saved the front seat for me. When he and I played pool against our friends, my heart was skipping beats all over the place because I knew that he liked me; yet when his roommate asked me (when John had stepped out for a minute) if I liked John, and what I thought the perfect date would be, I tried to quiet him down, because I didn't want John to hear and get freaked out.

I shouldn't have worried. I shouldn't have ever worried. All the time throughout my life, up to that point, when I ever worried about whom I would marry, or what path my life was going to take, were, in retrospect, useless, unneeded, and silly. I met John, and within hours, we knew that we were going to be together, that what we had was special, was different, and was something that we would want for life.

I was cleaning my room, going through one of my bags (due to my guilt at not going to class this morning, and determination to not squander the hour, even though I had [have] a massive headache]), and found this note:

I can't get over how funny it is, how yesterday at this time we didn't know anything about each other. How quickly things change.
I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and find it was all a dream.

But it wasn't a dream; and it was amazing.

I mentioned to one of John's and my friends a few days ago, how our first anniversary was coming up. He was incredulous, and his jaw literally dropped open. I'd never seen such a look of surprise.
"Wait, your first anniversary?"
"As in, you've known each other for a year?"
"You're kidding me, right?"
"I always thought that you two had known each other for years! I thought you must have been high school sweethearts."
"No, no, we met last fall."
"That's unbelievable. ... I guess when you meet the person you're meant to be with, you just know."

And I thought back to a conversation that John and I had had about two weeks after we met each other...

"where are we?" i asked, out of the blue.
without having to ask me what i meant, he grew thoughtful, his arms around me. somewhere in middle-Europe; Germany or Austria, thought my mind, and i couldn't wait for him to answer, to see if he felt the same thing.
"vienna," he said, and my mind relaxed, happy. "we're staying in a townhome bed and breakfast, and it has wooden floors; at the foot of the bed, there's a fireplace." "and no animal fur, anywhere in the room," i added, referencing another trip we had pictured the day before.
he laughed, a soft chuckle; "yes, no animal fur."
"what did we do tonight?" went to a concert, went to a concert, i chanted mentally.
"we just got back from the opera," he replied.
"and it's snowing, and our gloves and scarves and long coats are drying by the fire," i said, getting caught up in the mental imagery.
"yes, it is. and right after the concert, we went out for wine."
my mind laughed, remembering our professor who got wasted in Europe; i opened my mouth to say, "except there's no wine, because karl drank it all," but he beat me to it.
"but karl's along, so there's no wine left."
"so we had to have coffee and cheese, instead." we laughed, quietly, and then i continued; "and we walked in the falling snow, across the beautiful bridge."
"yes, we did."
"where are we going next?" i asked.
"tomorrow, we're leaving for Paris."
"we'll be staying at a bed and breakfast on the champs d'elysses."
"and we'll take walks at night," referring to one of our favourite things to do.
"is the eiffel tower open at night?" i ask him; after all, he's the one who's actually been to Paris.
"i'm not sure."
"i want to go up there at night and look across the city, at the expanse of blackness the Seine is, outlined with lights."
"mhmm," he hums his assent, then continues, "and we are going to go to versailles."

we don't picture our future apart from each other, because why should we, when we have found each other?

he's what i always dreamed of, and didn't know really existed.

Yes. he's what I wanted then, and he's what I want, still. I am so thrilled at the fact that we get to spend the rest of our lives together.

I love you, John.

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