May 31: Photo:

Bleeding-Heart - May, 2005

Memorial Day

Poppy - May, 2005

Yesterday was my maternal grandfather's 88th birthday. This is the grandfather who served in the military in WWII and was stationed in Guam, while his wife and son were back home in Wisconsin. This is the man who still kisses his wife on the lips -- his wife who is in the Alzheimer's unit in their nursing home and doesn't make sense anymore. This is the man who came to all my music recitals, who taught me how to play Skip-Bo, Phase10, and Uno. His freezer was always stocked with popsicles in the summertime, and his grass was always soft and perfectly trimmed. I remember -- I can even smell it -- running to their basement, getting a rootbeer popsicle, going outside, my bare feet scorching a little bit on the hot deck, then running over to the grass and feeling the lush blades on my feet. This is the man who had colon cancer 20-some years ago, had a tree fall on him 15 years ago, had a hip replaced 10 years ago, and had a heart attack and surgery four years ago -- he was not breathing for a long time after the heart attack, and his brain was deprived of oxygen long enough to give him some memory loss -- he can't remember little things two seconds after you tell him, but he remembers the big things, the things that matter; he remembers that a tree fell on my dad's head, but no matter how many times we tell him, he can't remember how Dad's doing now. But he remembers to ask. This is the man who still dresses in crisp dress shirts and slacks every day, thin dress socks and loafers, his hair perfectly combed. Last weekend when I went to visit him, he was sitting cross-ways in his recliner, reading the paper, his back against one arm, his legs draped over the other. He is ridiculously spry and handsome.

land the prince with the perfect hair

Clouds - May 29th, 2005

I can't believe I have the whole summer stretching ahead of me. I keep thinking that I'm slacking off on homework, that I'm neglecting doing something -- I can't quite wrap my brain around the fact that I don't have to go back in a couple of weeks, that I don't have to plan everything right away, but instead can just take it easy and plan things for, oh, TWO MONTHS FROM NOW if I feel like it. I'm looking forward to the end of this month, when I'm going to housesit for Ang and Gus -- I'm going to like getting away from here for a week or so. It's strange, being out in the middle of nowhere after living in a big city (that has another big city smooshed up against it); other than the oppressive silence, the distance thing is getting to me:

There: Target =4 minute drive
Here: Target = 50 minute drive
There: Movie Theatre = 5 minutes
Here: Movie Theatre = 25 minutes
There: good Grocery Store = 1 minute
Here: good Grocery Store = 23 minutes
There: Library = 0 or 5 minutes
Here: Library = 25 minutes
There: Symphony Orchestra = 10 minutes
Here: Symphony Orchestra = 120 minutes

Being away from home and being my own person: priceless.
Spending time with family: priceless.


I rented two romantic comedies on dvd a couple of nights ago; "Down with Love" and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." I've gotta say, Ewan McGregor is h-h-hotter than I'd remembered -- and I love the song at the end (he has a great voice); it makes me want to watch Moulin Rouge again.

Put the lime in the Coke, you nut...

Today is the last day here in Milwaukee. At the beginning of the week, with five days stretching before us, I couldn't really believe that it would ever end -- the days were so long, and the only times we ever got out of the hotel room were at 7:40, 11:40, and 3:35, when we would take Rob to school/pick him up for lunch/bring him back. Since Sunday night, Dad and I have gone to the grocery store twice, the gas station twice, and Target a few times right after lunch.

I do like West Milwaukee, though. There are lots of trees, birds, squirrels, and rabbits; tons of brick houses (I found My House), and many sparkling Lexuses, Audis, Hyundais, and other nice cars that I don't hit. :) The traffic here hasn't been too bad; there are a few crazy intersections (for example, one is a five-way intersection; four of the ways have stoplights, but we always end up on the fifth one, and just have to make a run for it between cars).

Our hotel is about a mile from Miller Park -- home of the Milwaukee Brewers. Dad and I were going to have a Grand Adventure yesterday and visit the Domes by the Park, spend time in the amazing conservatory, but yesterday was really dizzy for him, so I talked him into taking a nap instead (see, Ang? I'm c-a-p-a-b-l-e).

I can't wait to get home, though -- to have my OWN SPACE, to listen to my music, to have a big kitchen to cook and bake in when I want to, to sleep in, to read my books that I forgot to bring along, to take pictures of the lilacs that are in FULL BLOOM right now. And to get away for a bit -- Holly's family has a cabin, and she and I are going to spend some time up there this summer.

"Bagpipes -- putting the FUN back in funerals"

I just checked my final class grades for this semsester...


STRAIGHT A's, BABY!!! I am THRILLED. !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voila!

After much tinkering and many talks to my older brother, I got wireless enabled on this laptop, in this hotel. Hallelujah, I have access to the Internet!!

SENSORY. OVERLOAD.

I always felt sorry for Dad, whom Mom would hit and poke and shove during the night when he snores. But now...now, I CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. I'm in Milwaukee; I had to chauffeur my dad and brother here for the week, and we're sharing one hotel room. TWO SNORERS. IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME. Not only have I not had any time to myself since yesterday morning, I haven't had any quiet. Or any sleep. I slept for about three hours last night. I don't know what to do to make them SHUT UP.

Dad is a dry-snore -- and makes the back of my throat hurt, just hearing it.
Rob is a gurgly-wet-congested snore -- and it's disgusting.

All the nerves in my body are at attention, bracing for each onslaught of snoring. I can't use earplugs, because then I won't be able to hear people sneak up on me.



I'm tired -- I had about two days off between finishing finals and coming here.

I forgot to bring books along. BOOKS. I FORGOT. I can't believe this. I have "Nicholas Nickleby" in the back window of the car, but I really don't want to resort to that. I might have to find a library or bookstore here. Somewhere.

I took so many pictures on Saturday, and can't wait to upload them!! I love flowers.

Tulips

May 21, 2005

Summer 1.0

There were a few goodbyes. Only a couple that really mattered -- the goodbye to my roommate, who's graduating today, and the goodbye-for-the-summer to the boy from my history class. He made the class bearable for the last month and a half; the times the teacher would've driven me crazy, he and I'd look at each other and laugh, and it made everything better. We talked a lot before the final, and it made a comfortable feeling in my stomach, knowing that he'll be back next semester -- that I'll have a built-in friend to get to know better.

It still hasn't sunk in, quite, that I'm done with school for the summer, that I've completed a semester at college 2.0. I finished my final final around 2:30, sold back two books (and got $81! Ha, Ang! :P ) and my Mexican boy came to help me take down the loft in my room. After a few close calls to Death by Black Metal Tubing, we finally shook the thing apart and I checked out of my room, with no payments for damages (she didn't notice the towel rack[s]).

I've totally cleaned my room at home. BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

I helped Dad do an inspection on a house this morning.

I've taken so many nature photos over the last week -- hopefully I'll be able to get those uploaded onto my laptop soon.

I spent a lot of time cutting out pictures, letters, and phrases from old National Geographics (extra copies) for my collage-cards.

Last night, I had a picnic by the lake with one of my friends whom I hadn't seen for a few months. It was strange; we weren't as comfortable with each other as we used to be. And then I picked up "In Good Company," and H & J and I got pizza and breadsticks and watched the dvd together at their apartment. I love them -- Holly's the only person I know who would do something as crazy as Midget Dancing with me.

But you were home almost every weekend, he said.
Yes, I replied, But when I came home for the weekends, I knew I was going back in two days. Now, I'm here for months.

Mom: "Dänika?"
Dä: "Yes?"
Mom: "See if you can marry the guy who invented Dyson vacuum cleaners."
Dä: "Ah."
Mom: "That'd be a Good Catch."

chaos

I hate nights like tonight. There are some times when it seems that there are so many ideas bouncing around in the confines of my skull, that I can't pin just one down and concentrate on it -- the others are all so distracting. I need to finish reading a book and get some idea of what I'll say on the essay questions for my native american history class FINAL tomorrow morning, but string theory, quantum mechanics, astronomy, stargazing, admiration, and old journal entries I found - are crowding my mind. It's like stupid static on AM stations -- annoying and interfering, but you just can't tune it out.

Some part of it (okay, a huge part) has to do with the fact that I moved all my things home last weekend and spend a goodish chunk of the last couple of days with my best friend, and lots of time at my old campus. That campus is one of the only places on Earth where I feel comfortable and safe, where my body actually relaxes.

But the other part has to do with the fact that I'm just so ready for school to be finished. I studied my butt off, got straight A's, and I'm just so tired. I didn't come back to school until this afternoon, and I think if I'd come back on sunday evening, as usual, I wouldn't be having this problem to this extent. I got out of the school mode, I think.

phantom

Do I haunt your thoughts as much as you're in mine?

I doubt it.

But it'd be nice to think so.

Code Name

Drew: Want to come to a party with me this weekend? We're gonna have a hot-dog eating contest.
Teen: When you say "hot-dog eating contest," is that a Code Name for a "kegger"?
Drew: No, it's a Code Name for "a hot-dog eating contest."

Iris

There are two kinds of people in the world...

...those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't.


Josh: So have you moved everything, or did you leave, like, lots of clothes there or something?
Dänika: Yeah, pretty much. Lots of pants.
Josh: So are you dabbling in nudism, then?

tearful parting...

Goodbye, High-Speed Internet. I'll miss you so much. I'll be spending the summer with my old buddy, Dial Up. We'll frolic in the school room at 2 A.M., but believe me, I'll be thinking of you.

See you in August, my Love.

reasonable excuse?

He finished shoving his books into his backpack, put on his windbreaker, then stood up. He looked at me, bright blue eyes probing mine from his 6'2" height. I put my books in my bag carefully, and met his eyes for what seemed an eternity. He looked as though he was about to say something, to the point of taking a deep breath, then changing his mind and letting it out slowly. He hesitated again, and I jumped in.
"Well, I hope you have a good weekend!"
He leaned toward me a trifle expectantly, wearing his trademark huge smile. "What?"
"Have a good weekend?"
His face changed a little, his big smile dimmed; "Yeah, you too...umm...see you next week." He turned and walked out of the room. Why did I just do that? Why did I cut him off like that? We always talk after class, finally going separate ways in the hallway, hands outstretched in a low wave, heads turned back, smiling, and wishing each other a great weekend.

After I slung my bag over my shoulders, I kicked myself all the way out the door and to my dorm.

It's the headcold.

baaaalance

Monday night, I bought this mug at Target, because it's so smooth, and looking at it made me calmer.

as seen on msn

Tinkerbell says:
you need something besides school....
Tinkerbell says:
a LIFE
i know you by heart says:
lol
Tinkerbell says:
that's what it's called

she knows me too well...

Dä: I have a problem. I like L. a little bit.
Kim: You mean, oh! The Guy you sit by in history! Oh my gosh, he is so cute! He seems so smart.
D: I know.
K: How's the boyfriend?
D: You mean, the guy who said two sentences to me the last time I saw him, because he was too busy networking computers to even really say hi or ask me how I'm doing with all the stressors in my life right now? Oh, he's super.
K: That great, huh?
D: Yeah.
K: Well...would you ever ask L out? Would you be so bold?
D: Ummmmm. It would take me quite a while to work up the nerve.
K: Ha! Yeah, and even then, you'd say it all in one breath, like, 'HIhowAREyouareyoudoinganythingtonightwouldyouliketogooutwithme?'
D: EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

(it's times like this when I kinda wish my sister and brother in law didn't have the address of this blog. ;P heh heh. love you guys!)

alert! alert! place all teams on standby!

It's past her bedtime, but my roomie is MIA.

!!

Have I done this before?

Today in psychology, as I was sucking down cough drops and trying not to throw up, I made a list of some things I want in a guy.

My guy should...

• be happy to see me
• not try to get in my pants
• smile a lot
• want kids
• hold a steady job or is a student
• be smarter than me/at least as smart as I
• be in college or graduated
• want to travel
• be calm and steady
• be healthy/exercises
• be respectful of elders/authority
• have wonderful hands
• be gentle
• want to spend time with me, but
• is not possessive
• respect me
• be willing to go to plays and concerts with me
• have a good sense of humour
• make me feel comfortable
• treat me as though I am precious
• want to live in a city for a couple decades, at least
• like to read

Today in history class I was sitting next to L, the guy I've sat by for a few weeks now, and I wish so much that we'd started talking to each other at the beginning of the semester instead of the last couple of weeks. It seems this is always the way it is with me -- I wait until I feel comfortable around people before I start really talking to them, and by then, it's almost too late. L seems like such a neat guy, and I'm kicking myself that I didn't step outside my bubble before, and start talking to him months ago.

But right now, I need to sleep.

fibbabaloobadoo.

So, the test, the test that is tomorrow but that's optional? Remember that test? The test that was called "The Optional Final," the "It has 200 Questions, and Taking it won't Help Anyone's Grade" -- "So DON'T GO!!"? That test? SILLY PEOPLE. That's not the Optional Final. The Optional Final is NEXT WEEK. This IS NOT OPTIONAL. This one is all about sex and drugs (and rock'n'roll). This is where those missing 120 points were when I tallied up my grade last night and was horrified that I apparently had a B.

Crap.

I have three more pages to write tonight on a paper, though, and that's more important -- the test won't be that difficult -- it's mostly just, umm, common sense and listening to the SexTalk.

I've been eating all day, because I have a sore throat, and the only time it feels passably okay to swallow, is when I'm swallowing something of substance -- namely, saltine crackers or runts. Otherwise, the routine is something like this: Swallow, Grimace, "Ouch!" Make a Face. Swallow, Grimace, "Ouch!" Make a Face. Repeat.

I bought shoes today -- beautiful, lovely, spring sandals. I knew they were the right ones; Kristen and I went into separate aisles in the store (call her "Cinderella;" she's the one with the cute little feet), and I saw The Sandals, but not in my size, and called over to her, across the shelves, "I'll bet they won't have these in my size!" Went over to the Giant Feet section, and there they were!! I had just pulled one out of the box, when Kristen came hopping over to where I was, sporting new footwear -- "Look!" "Look!" And they were the same beautiful green sandals. I bought them; she didn't, which was quite a feat (feet, get it? har har), and when I got back home, I even repainted my toenails and everything. Can't wear these snazzy new sandals with old polish, no Sir.

I'm going to take the laptop over to the student center and work on my paper over there.

smooch.

Absence: legitimate

Last weekend Dad was in an accident. I haven't written about it here for two reasons:

1. I've been frantically busy, and
2. I've written/spoken about it so much that I didn't want to go over it again.

He was out burning stuff and clearing out brush from the edge of our yard last Saturday morning. My younger brother was with him, helping pull trees away into the woods after Dad cut them down. Apparently one tree fell the wrong way, or snapped, or something...and it fell on Dad's head. After one frantic 911 call, lots of unconsciousness, one 90+ mph ambulance, one fast helicopter ride (and great paramedic), one CT scan, 20 stitches, one broken tooth, four chipped teeth, one cracked tooth, some louuuusy vision, one hurt shoulder, one grade 3 concussion (borderline traumatic brain injury), one hospital stay of 3 days and 2 nights, later....he's home and sleeping a lot. He can't work for the next month, and any and every little thing wears him out. I take him back to the hosp tomorrow to get his stitches out and vision checked up on.

I hadn't slept well at all since the accident, and didn't dream in more than a week, but I finally dreamed last night...that I was engaged. To ms-prof. Oh boy (oh boy oh boy!).

I found out the same day as Dad's accident, that one of my favourite people in the world, my aunt Patty, has a tumor (larger than a normal orange) on one of her ovaries. Surgery is scheduled for the 18th, and the chances are very likely that it's cancer. I'll be going out to her house after she's released from the hospital, and just taking care of her and stuff for a week.