Thursday, March 17, 2005

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I've been so on edge the past few days; any annoyance, anything, takes me ever closer to snapping. I feel so brittle. Maybe it's because spring break is around the corner...I don't know. I just know that I hate feeling this way. I don't like feeling so jittery, so fragile, playing the part of someone who's interested in what she's doing, when all I want to do is curl up in a ball (wait, I'm not flexible enough for that, ha ha kidding no, really) and hide. Maybe part of it had to do with reading The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath. It shook me, how someone so normal as the person in the book could be shuttled along on such a quick downward spiral.

I used to be pretty okay with change, but lately, I've become horribly inflexible. Tonight, Dad called me, and told me that I can't come home tomorrow (the beginning of my spring break; I always leave here around 2:30 in the afternoon, and I had already made plans for tomorrow night). There's going to be another blizzard, and he doesn't want me out driving in the twelve possible inches of accumulation. This means I can't go to the play tomorrow night. I can't go to the cast party. I can't see my people. I was looking forward to it so much -- I know a couple people here, but not like the ones I have back home...

I've been crying off and on ever since he told me I can't come home then.

I can't stand my roommate anymore.

One hour to go until "Whose Line is it Anyway?" comes on, two back-to-back episodes.

2 comments:

Christina said...

Hang in there Neeky!

There're probably a lot of different things factoring into the way you're feeling...going through a season of change, the dark days of winter that seem to just go on and on and on, feeling homesick, or whatever...it's easy to lose your cool and your sense of humor, and cry at the drop of a hat...I know! I understand. Just hang in there. There are so many people who care about you. Maybe we don't all show it as well as we could...

Is your college making you read that junk? That can really contribute to feelings of depression!

I've been getting this nudge from God for a long time to write you, and shame on me for putting it off! I tried once, but I didn't have anything worthwhile to say. But see there, that just proves that God's thinking about you! God's concerned with you, and He keeps trying to get my attention...

Kate said...

Are things any better? I know that exact feeling. I felt like that just before I left for Japan. I've felt like that for the last 2 months, actually. It's the pits. Hopefully you'll get renewed and refreshed during your spring break.

It also stinks when Dad calls and tells you it's not safe to drive home. Been there, done that. Stupid snow.