I hate crying, I hate being vulnerable. I guess there are just some days I loathe being human, and today is one of them. The horrid thing is, there's nothing wrong, really, nothing at all, yet I keep crying. It helps to remember that right now, on this Earth, there are millions of people who feel the same way I do.
I just finished my only class for the day, and am listening (on repeat) to Gabriel Fauré's "Pavane," played on acoustic guitar. It's amazingly lovely, and at the same time unspeakably sad. If today were perfect, I would wrap myself in a quilt, hunker down in the corner of a huge room, lean my head on someone's shoulder, breathe in the scents of coffee, organic shampoo, and laundry detergent, and just stay there for hours. The rain is pounding against the windows; the fierce, rapid heartbeat of a dreary day.
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Yesterday I went to the Catholic Cathedral in town, and boy was it gorgeous. It had been under renovation for three or four years, and they just finished this spring. I hadn't been in it before, but I've always loved the way it looks so foreign, like a beautiful Andalucian tile-roofed church from the 1600's flung across the ocean, somehow ending up here in the mid-west. The inside is beautiful, not quite as breathtaking as the outside, but still nothing to be sneezed at. The service was quite nice, and I didn't feel quite as out of place as I had feared; I went with my friend Meghan, because I wanted someone In The Know to hiss "Kneel...KNEEL!!!" at the appropriate times.
I partook of the Eucharist, and when I got to the Communal Goblet of Wine, I wasn't prepared for the kick it had -- it was the Real Stuff (seven days, and I can buy my own ;) )!
It was a beautiful service...yet it's funny...it seemed as though many in the congregation were merely going through the motions, as though it's just something they do, with no meaning behind it -- like they don't take it seriously. I think L. hit it on the head the other day when he said that it seemed like it was, "All ritual, and no substance."
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Is the Communal Goblet of Wine really communal? If so, eww. And that must be why they have to use the Real Stuff.
>>it seemed as though many in the congregation were merely going through the motions, as though it's just something they do, with no meaning behind it -- like they don't take it seriously<<
That's what Catholicism actually is for many. I think when you have such old traditions and rituals, it's very easy to lose sight of the reason for doing them and the meaning behind it and just get obsessed with the ritual/tradition itself.
-C
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